god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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