I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
