he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
