I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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