Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
