I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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