In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
