I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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