Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
