I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
