My friends, they love my intelligence
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
