but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize