Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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