Your tits are I can't wait for
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
