I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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