I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i love accidental penises.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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