I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
