There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
