If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
