He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can't turn off my feet"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
