Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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