I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize