Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
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I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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