You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
