I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Less talking, more tequila
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
