Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
True college students do jello shots in the library
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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