Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
