Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
