my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
