So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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