Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
