he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
