I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
