He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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