I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
