Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
