haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
