we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
