He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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