he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
