hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
