So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
