im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just had sex bonerless
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
