and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
