I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
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I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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