u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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