redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
