no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Drake has all the answers
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize