Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
