Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
