Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
