The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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