Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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