i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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