Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
