can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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