My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
