So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
