After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
