SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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