I feel great
I just peed on a car
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
