I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
