pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
